My father committed suicide in 1992 at 52 years old. After his death I questioned if I would reach 52. It’s not that I loved and missed my father, he sexually abused me. The thoughts were tied to deep depression and helping my grandmother grieve. In time the thoughts faded away until Christmas night. I don’t drink but do suffer from Chronic Lyme Disease which creates extreme pain.
I was sitting on the couch looking at the tree when thoughts of being 52 and my father’s death at 52 resurfaced. Several thoughts overwhelmed me, the most comforting was I made it to 52 years old. My father was Bipolar, suffering until the end. His mental illness and death pushed me to look in the mirror at my lifelong depression. The search for a doctor who knew how to manage Bipolar took seeing several doctors.
The memories will fade with no reason to return. I rarely look back at my life or worry about my age. Living till 52 years old haunted me. 2016 is open for me to shape, improve and focus on getting well.
Thank you for reading. If someone is suffering, please reach out for help.