I love to travel, my goal is to see the world. When your Bipolar, hyper mania can make it possible. I was an Executive Sales person, number one in the company and making big bucks. I felt so lucky hyper mania stayed for 10 years. I went to Russia by myself, traveled with my […]
“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” Maya Angelo I am a Survivor My grandparents unconditional love pulled me from the abyss. After years of Therapy, I have a clear heart, no anger or self loathing. Not forgiving….forgetting, to allow myself to move forward. Over the years, people brought sunshine into my life. You were … Read More I keep Moving Forward: *Not allowing My past to Chart the Future*
Home of the Free Sending prayers to family and friends for their loss of loved ones serving the Military.Daily I’m reminded of the sacrifices made to defend the freedoms we enjoy today in America. I pray every soldier comes home soon. Gramps, I’ll never forget the sacrifices you made to win WWII. I love you. Xx M
Mem and Women have given their lives since we landed in the country, we called America. Enlisting to fight for freedom, they knew the cost and it’s not free. With technology, our government is paying for state of the art equipment to protect and defend. The highest ranks of Military Officials lied to every Soldier enlisted the Military will take care of your health whatever … Read More Report: Majority of military misconduct dismissals linked to brain injury, mental health
Years after my diagnoses with Bipolar Disease. I thought it was time to participate in my medical care. To understand layman’s terms, what to expect and when to call doctor. Getting on the same page as you learn doctor speak and how they hear. A proficient Psychiatrist with a background helping Mentally Ill patients. Please save your time and money going to General Doctor. … Read More How to participate once diagnosed with a Mental Illness
Last week a murder-suicide happened in my neighborhood. I was very ill and on pain meds, my husband shielded me from conversations with Police and the family. I felt a pain of my father’s suicide but quickly focused on the kids in our house. My husband came upstairs saying two kids are downstairs, they think the father killed their mother. I went … Read More How does Domestic Violence turn to Murder/Suicide
Original post 5/2014 We do things for people we love not for those who do not deserve love. I woke today with a tug, my introspective mood. I save difficult post for days like this. It’s not depression or sadness more logical than emotional. Dissociation is a conversation my therapist and I have talked about for 15 years. When I talk about child abuse at … Read More What’s Love Got To Do With It?
I started Looking for the Light on 2-22-2014, exactly 22 years after my father’s suicide. Every year on the date, my emotions/logic are so conflicted. I stopped drinking years ago but every year I get drunk, my coping mechanism. I thought my dad was cool as a child and we had lots of fun. My father had no clue how to parent, it was scream … Read More Good Times Gone Bad
Original post 5/2014 It was a normal Sunday like any other. I’m 6 and my brother was 3 1/2 years old, my mother was taking us to the lake. We never went to the lake, I began to get excited about playing in the water. I also grew concerned, what did she have on her mind. Even at 6 years old I knew she … Read More D I V O R C E
Original post 3/2014 It’s been an emotional month with thoughts of my father’s suicide and writing about him for the first time. I never grieved my father, the emotions caught me by surprise. It’s been very confusing because my father was one of my abusers. I am having health issues which is stressful. The Black Dog has come to see me. I have seen … Read More Do you know me at all?
Original post 3/2014 Everyone suffers in an abusive environment. Our house was always in chaos. An alcoholic stepfather who abused my mother and a mother who abused her daughter. There were three other children in the house who saw the abuse, heard the screams and threats. I used to think the victim was the only person with scars. At 9 years old I survived … Read More Brother witnessed Child Abuse of only sister * Everybody Hurts*
Original post 4/2014 My brother and I called our stepfather a Nazi because he was mostly German and he would beat our mother unmercifully. Her crimes as we knew were not having dinner ready or not warm enough. The kids were to loud, noise was not allowed in the house, he was an alcoholic with major control issues. I was 9 years old, my … Read More Nine years old living in Hell
Original post 4/2014 I’m writing the post with the outcome first. It made sense to me when reliving it. The tides turn It’s beyond comprehension why my probation officer saw hope in me. I gave her no reason, I had lost hope in myself, in life for that matter. I didn’t speak one word to her for seven months. I attended weekly meetings for … Read More I almost Killed my Father
Original post 3/2014 Both of my parents and stepfather abused me. We’re not talking spanking, we’re talking banging your head into the wall. I am 100% for discipline, accountability and house rules. You see children who have involved parents and the childs demeanor. I see parents yelling at the child while grocery shopping, belittling them in front of strangers. What we can’t see is child abuse. … Read More Could you hit your child?
Original post from 3/2014 The song “Running to Stand Still” by U2 pierced my soul. I can’t explain the feeling. It describes my life in four simple words. I have fought most of my life to stay alive, many from my own bad choices. In the early sixties my parents met at a party. I don’t know if they dated or a one night … Read More Running to Stand Still
My father committed suicide in 1992 at 52 years old. After his death I questioned if I would reach 52. It’s not that I loved and missed my father, he sexually abused me. The thoughts were tied to deep depression and helping my grandmother grieve. In time the thoughts faded away until Christmas night. I don’t drink but do suffer from Chronic Lyme … Read More My Reaction to Faded Memories *Death Haunts Me*